(noun): the development of events outside a person's control, regarded as predetermined by a supernatural power.
So this is google's top search result on fate. And i pretty much share the same understanding.
Lately, i've been the go-to person for relationship advice and conversations with my close friends got me thinking about this topic.
For a start, i do believe in fate. Just imagine. What is the probability of meeting someone out of 5.5 billion people in our crowded little island? Let alone, people from other parts of the world. The friends we make from schooling days to people we meet at work could simply just be strangers, people who will never get to even brush past our life.
If i was born in a different year, stayed in a different neighbourhood and enrolled in a different school, i wouldn't have met my same same-age besties who have been with me for almost half my life. Out of so many schools here, what is the chance of knowing other like-minded colleagues through the same school posting? Had i been successful in my appeal to a nearer school, i wouldn't have crossed paths with my work BFFs. Of course, meeting Sean is almost like Charlie winning the last golden ticket to the chocolate factory.
There's also an overused saying about meeting the right person at the wrong time. Do you sense the irony here? It's an oxymoron (and almost moronic). If the person is not destined for you, he or she is obviously the wrong person. What does timing matter? However, if somehow these two people meet again twenty years down the road and get together. Now, that's fate.
Fate is when there is no human manipulation.
For example, there used to be this social website where you get to meet people from the same neighbourhood. You see this really hot girl or guy's profile, stating that their favourite hangout place is the neighbourhood gym. You purposely camp at the gym to await their appearance even though you aren't a gym junkie. Then finally, this person appears and you strike up a conversation. This is not fate. This is STALKING. And this is not fate because manipulation has come into play to create deliberate opportunities.
Let's tweak the situation a little. You got to meet this hot girl or guy through a dance class or a friend's birthday party. That is fate. Whether you were hoping to find your future partner through such events is irrelevant because you don't know who you are going to meet. Now that we're in the IT dating age, i acknowledge that fate is also when two people decide to chat each other up randomly out of so many other people. Because it's not like you purposely joined dating websites to chat with a specific individual. Again, that's freaky.
While it is one thing to let nature take its course in leading you to the right one, things thereafter can be controlled. i'm a believer of the idiom, "Strike while the iron is hot." But do not mistake it for being rash. There are things you can do to generate positive feelings, without coming across as being despo or fake. Is this a kind of manipulation? Well, yes, if you have an intended purpose. Unless you can really do things for the person with zero expectation and no returns.
That brings me to my last point on expectation management. It is almost impossible to give unconditional love. Surely, it is normal to expect positive reciprocation but.. Are our expectations stifling others? Are our expectations bringing us disappointment, frustration and hurt? What are our expectations based on? Is it fair?
For example, a girl expects a guy to call her every night and have long conversations, just like all the other guys who courted her. She gets disappointed when he talks very little and questions his interest towards her. To her, the guy did not meet her expectation. However, the guy may not be a phone conversationalist himself and for him, she is actually the first girl he has talked on the phone to. See? There's always going to be discrepancies.
As my favourite Shakespeare puts it, "All the world's a stage. And all the men and women merely players." Shakespeare as we know, is not telling us to be players or flirt around. Rather, we are all players in life because we play different roles. We are someone's friend, sibling, child, soul mate and each role or relationship has its own set of dynamics. i don't think there's ever going to be two relationships that are exactly the same.
That is why fate has different people placed in our lives to make it enriching. The good, the bad, and the ugly. There's nothing to regret or lament about. Neither do we need to overdo things to make the right person come to us. What good is it of a story if it's too predictable? That's what life is.
