But if i were to sum up my status quo in a few words...
I'M JOBLESS AND LIVING IN NEW ZEALAND!
I didn't intend to sound happy being jobless by the way but i AM happy being in NZ. i'm actually starting my CELTA course in May which i'm quite excited about. Professional development, as my interviewer put it hehe.
Anyway. What prompted me to come back to this space was also due to a random dream i had today. It was so vivid that i told Sean about it when i woke up. Strangely, ever since i'd left my job, i've had a couple of dreams as a teacher in my previous school.
And my joker friends would say, "You miss teaching."
Now... DO I ACTUALLY MISS TEACHING?
Just last week, PB was out. Performance bonus rewards teachers who have shown that they have done well. Simply put, teachers who are in higher profile (for the right reasons of course). What happens to their comrades who are equally, if not more passionate and committed to their students' learning? But only because they aren't spearheading big projects and making their presence more 'visible'. i have seen good teachers quietly doing their part, caring for students and teaching their best, but not getting 'recognised' for their efforts. It is only natural to feel discouraged. But they stay on, nonetheless. i don't dispute the good intention behind this grading system but like any system, it remains flawed.
But if you are a 'true' teacher, you shouldn't be motivated by monetary rewards what!
Personally, i think it's more of the recognition that is attached to the grade we get. Saying "well done" is easy and you can say without truly meaning what you say. What i'm saying is there needs to be something intangible that satiates a teacher after a year of madness.
In the past 4 years as a teacher, my health deteriorated, mostly due to stress, lack of sleep and irregular meals. These are not problems that are only specific to teachers of course. But we work outside school hours, a lot. Marking, preparing lessons, responding to parents, counselling students. Even though we set boundaries on a cut-off time, we can't simply ignore a concerned parent or a student in need.
I have sacrificed a lot of social life as well, more often than not, not out of choice. On weekdays, i'm too tired to go out after a long day, especially when i've work to bring home. But i set aside friday nights and saturdays for meetups. School week begins on sunday for me, when i stay home to get things done for the week and on weekends when i have to set papers, sorry not free. Essays to mark? You can find me at a cafe and see me mark. Haha. To be fair, not every teacher's life is like mine. i cannot imagine how my ex-colleagues cope with being daddies and mummies at home. But there are also those who choose to do the minimal.
Apart from common workplace complaints and students on their bad days, i actually like teaching. My teaching beliefs are governed by two simple things: to pass on the love for literature and to be a positive influence in my students' lives. i've had teachers who changed my life and i do believe that teachers are vessels of influence.
While my teacherhood has 'officially' ended, i do miss ACTUAL teaching. Not the dreaded admin stuff that comes with being a teacher. And i miss my students. i'm also really thankful to have good colleagues who supported me and became my good friends.
Cliche as it sounds, teaching has helped me grow as a person. It has given me memories and an invaluable sense of accomplishment (not in being a good teacher but in being able to do at least some good to the students).
Given a choice, i would still be a teacher all over again. At least, at this point of my life :)
